1) PROFESSOR :Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI :Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

2) CIRCUIT :Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai
.MUNNA BHAI :Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT :Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI :Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na

3) MAMU :Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada

4) CIRCUIT :Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please
.MUNNABHAI :Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT :Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

5) MAMU :Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.
MUNNA BHAI :Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU :Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga

6) PROFESSOR :Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI :Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu

7) MUNNA BHAI :Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi

8) Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :What is this?
CIRCUIT :Bread IndiaCircuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :What is this?
CIRCUIT :Sweet IndiaWith all the food he hogged on, Munna farts.
The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN :What is that?
CIRCUIT :Air India

9) CIRCUIT :Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU :Nehin.
CIRCUIT :To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

10) MUNNA BHAI :Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU :Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI :Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

11) MUNNA BHAI :Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU : B.A
MUNNA BHAI :Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

12) MAMU :Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST :Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

13) CIRCUIT :Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai

14) PRINCIPAL : Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI : Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu